Calgon Take Me Away!

   It's been a long day. I've been up for almost 18 hours. I just want to lay on the couch and catch up on my three episodes of "Glee" that are in the DVR. But, that's just not going to happen. It's the witching hour. Moms, Dads, you know what I'm talking about. It's the time just after your child's bath, just before bedtime, when they have somehow gotten their second wind and are ready to party like Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. It's the time when your speed is set more like Barry Manilow's "Mandy." It's time for bed...A.K.A. mom's chill time.
  I try to give the "let's chill" signal by dimming the lights and getting my daughter a little snack. We do a little reading which is always the same book because that's what she loves. I wish she would realize it's no longer Valentine's Day and Elmo has figured out who sent him "this beautiful valentine." But that's o.k. It's really cute the way she gets excited each time we read it like she's never heard the story before. Sometimes this works, other times, I try to lay down while she tries to pull me off the coach with all her little might. She gets frustrated. I get frustrated. She starts to cry. I feel like I want to cry. What on God's green earth could you possible want? You're clean. You've being fed. Most times, you've had a pretty good day with lots of playing and attention. Can't Mommy just chillax? Ha! Yeah, No.
  Since I wake up for work when most people are enjoying their sleep, my couch/DVR time is really limited and precious.Sometimes I get up to see what she wants, other times I just let her work it out herself. Meantime, I've paused "Glee" on the DVR for the third time. If my husband is home, he can see the frustration building. I can feel horns coming out of head and the female dog inside me is barking to come out. It kinda feels like Michael J. Fox in "Teen Wolf." (but not nearly as funny) You just can't control it. And bam...it happens. I start yelling like a crazy woman. My husband sometimes just sits there, other times tries to take control of our daughter and tells me to calm down. My daughter usually just stands there and looks at me, probably wondering what my problem is. There just comes a time of the day/night when you can't take much more. Then of course, I feel bad for losing my temper. But, I just wanted to watch my "Glee".  Is that too much to ask?

  Some parents have told me they just put their children in their bed or crib and let them lay there and cry it out until they get so tired they pass out. Different strokes for different folks I guess. If I do that, I still have to hear her scream. I still can't watch my "Glee". Problem not solved. Oh Calgon, Take Me Away! (or just let me watch my "Glee") 

It's a Boy! It's a Girl! It's a ....

    Surprise! You hear that word a lot if you go to a party where someone is celebrating some kind of milestone birthday. You hear it sarcastically when you've just heard something you really wish you hadn't. I've noticed the majority of the surprises in my life aren't things I really want to remember. But there are a handful that I hold near and dear to my heart. One of those is the surprise of not finding out the sex of my daughter before she was born. I remember everyone saying, "Oh my God! How could you wait?" "Don't you want to know?" Of course I wanted to know, of course I was curious. But my husband and I thought the element of surprise would far outweigh the benefit of knowing months before the baby was born. We were right. I remember the second my daughter was born and the doctor said "It's a Girl!". My emotions were already at their highest peak, and that just made it all the better.

  Despite the feelings of euphoria of not finding out the sex of my child during my first pregnancy, I swore I would find out with my second.Why? Simple, it would be more convenient. If I knew I was having another girl I could just start washing clothes and I would be all prepared when the baby arrives. If not, I could start going shopping for everything blue I could find. But, the more I talked with my husband, the more I began to realize I really wanted the surprise again. It kinda felt like if I knew, it would be one less thing to look forward to on that special day. There would be no more surprises, except for the whole going into labor thing! 

  So when we went for the mother of all ultrasounds and the tech asked if we were finding out the sex, we said no. She told us to look away for a second and I can honestly say I did. Although during the whole thing I was looking in that area to see if I could see any sign of a third leg. I couldn't help myself. It was like Adam and Eve and the whole forbidden fruit thing...okay maybe not that dramatic. Even though we decided not to find out, I was still so curious. I looked. I couldn't detect any male parts, but then again, I'm sure the tech wasn't focusing down there too much.

  As she left, she asked if we wanted her to write the sex down on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope and give it to us. She said then if we changed our mind, we could find out. We just had to open the envelope. We both said no way. That's like leaving a crack pipe on the counter for a recovering drug addict...you know just in case you change your mind. No thanks. From what I hear, we are in the minority for not finding out. But that's okay I usually like to do my own thing anyway, so it's kinda fitting.

  So this time around, I won't be prepared for blue or pink and that's o.k.  Instead I will be thinking of another gender neutral theme for the new baby's nursery and looking for those yellow and green clothes.  During the next 20 weeks my husband and I will start to think about possible boy and girl names and probably argue, just like the first time around. But, in the end, it will all work out. The nursery will be perfect. The name will fit, and with God's help we'll have another healthy surprise.

The Perfect Present

   Many men search and search for the perfect Mother's Day gift. Where do I go? What do I get? What does she really want? Jewelry, flowers, a fancy dinner...they're all great gifts, but not really what I'm looking for this Mother's Day. Although if they did come my way, I wouldn't say no! (Mama didn't raise a fool!)
   Although I'm only about to celebrate my second year of this joyous holiday, I've quickly come to realize being a mom can sometimes be a thankless job. Don't misunderstand me though, the rewards are great. Seeing your child do something or say something for the first time, or just getting a big old hug and smile are heart-warming. But sometimes, you just need a little something extra.
   As mothers, we do so much besides take care of our children. Often times, we're the cooks, the maids, the organizers, the financial planners...etc. And those jobs are just ones that have to do with the house. Many of us work outside the home, which brings on a whole other dimension of responsibilities and headaches. We do all these things with hardly ever getting a "thank-you" or a "good job" or a "hey, can I help you with that?". I've learned all the hats we wear as mothers just seem to come along with having a uterus.
   So this Mother's Day, it would be great to actually hear the appreciation through words, not just gifts. They say actions speak louder than words. But, not when those words are never spoken. Although you may know you are appreciated, it would be nice to hear it once...and really it probably will only happen once! I'm not talking about a sappy litany of appreciation and love sponsored by Hallmark. A simple, "Thanks, you're the best" would really be the perfect present. Guys, if your little ones can't the words out yet, it's your job to be the spokesman. Those words will never rot and smell bad in a vase in a week. They'll never be forgotten at the bottom of the jewelry box or be spent on something foolish. They'll actually be something remembered, something treasured...the perfect present.

I Just Want to Enjoy a Movie!

   I just want to watch a movie. Period. Plain and simple. I wish. Perhaps I should clarify by saying I just want to enjoy a movie. That is actually the task at hand that is turning into mission impossible these days. Because of my nutso schedule, the only nights I can stay up to do this are Friday and Saturday. Wouldn't you know those are the nights my daughter wants to party likes its 1999. Ironically, the movie I have been wanting to watch is "Little Fockers". We'll just leave it at that, you can make your own jokes. The last time my husband and I actually went to the movies we tried to watch it, but it sold out while we were in line. Figures. (That will tell you just how many times we get out to the movies these days)

  So for the past two Friday and Saturday nights, I've dreamed of just sitting on my couch with my husband, enjoying a movie and some snacks. Instead, we've been battling with my daughter to go to sleep. During the week, she's down at a reasonable hour. The trouble is, so am I! We've filled her with food, locked up all the toys, and even laid her on the couch to make her relax. Sounds pretty good, right? Wrong. She climbs up and down the couch, bouncing back and forth between my husband and I non-stop. I've even taken her downstairs and tried some old school tactics like rocking in the chair. When that doesn't work, the hard-core tactics take effect which include putting her in the crib and letting her cry. That last time until I get so frustrated, I called my husband in for back-up. I yell, he tells me to calm down, he takes over. She eventually falls asleep and so do I. By this time it's 11:00 and the last thing I want to do is watch a movie. Forget about enjoying anything.

  My husband asks why we just can't put the movie on while she's up. Really? Have you met our daughter? Have you just not witnessed what has happened over the past two hours? Like I said, I could easily watch a movie. But, I want to enjoy a movie. It seems like I'd have better luck winning the lotto these days. Movie? Lotto? Odds are looking pretty slim for both!                    

 

Front Seat Rider

I really thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. Nope, I did see a woman holding a baby in the front seat of a minivan while approaching the toll booth to go over the George Washington Bridge. There was tons of traffic. People switching lanes everywhere, horns beeping, hand gestures flying. In the middle of all this chaos, that little baby unprotected in the front seat of that minivan.  In fact, everyone in the SUV along with me saw it too and had the same reaction I did. What was she thinking?    When you become a parent, you take on a major responsibility whether you want it or not, and whether you're ready for it or not. You are now responsible for another life. Period. That means it's your job to protect that little person and be there for them in every way that you can. In my opinion, protecting them is not putting them in the front seat of your minvan with no seatbelt and no protection.    We all know kids are supposed to ride in the backseat (or atleast most of us know that). The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends children stay rear facing in the back seat of the car until they're two or until they've met the height or weight requirements of the car seat. Many states also have laws. Interestingly enough, I went to look up the laws in New Jersey, which is where we were when we witnessed this front seat ride that almost made me have a heart attack. Wouldn't you know, New Jersey, like many states, requires kids up to age 8 or 80 pounds ride in the back, unless the car has no rear seat. Trust me there was plenty of rear seats in that minivan.    I would love to know what that woman was thinking. She was no spring chicken, so I would assume she was familiar with the law, or atleast with common sense. Was she the mom? Did she bring the baby in the front because he or she was crying, hungry, lonely, what? Couldn't have she just gone in the back with the baby? Why didn't the driver say something? I don't know. I'll never know. What I do know is that I said a little prayer for that baby. I hope that minivan got to its destination safely so that little baby wasn't the victim of someone's stupidity.

Hey, Your Baby Can Read... Really?

Okay, I'm coming clean. I became so mesmerized with the "Your Baby Can Read" commercial that I actually ordered the reading system that promises to help your child learn to read. But, it wasn't just the commercial that made me run to jot down the number and grab my phone and MasterCard. During my daughter's last well visit, the pediatrician asked how many words were in her vocabulary. My husband and I looked at each other, trying not to laugh. Vocabulary? Um, she was 15 months at the time. She doesn't really have a vocabulary. Then it got me thinking. Is she behind? Is she a slow learner? What's the deal? Maybe I need some help.    We read together constantly and she really seems to enjoy it. So, I thought "Your Baby Can Read" would be the perfect next step to help move things along. In case you're not familiar, the set comes with several DVDs, books, and flashcards all aimed at teaching words and promoting reading. I guess you're supposed to start when the kids are younger, but the guy over the phone said it was o-k if I started now, and gullible me said o-k.    I should have known something was up when I called and they said the $14.95 price advertised was just for the 30 day trial. If I decided to keep it, they were going to charge my credit card three monthly payments of 60-something-dollars. Again, I said o-k. I really believed this was the key to my child becoming the next Einstein. So, the huge box arrives. There were so many DVDs and books, it looked like I robbed the library. I started reading the parents' instructions and off we were with the the first DVD.    Problem one...I couldn't get my daughter to sit still to watch two minutes of the dumb DVD. So, I watched it and thought how does this stuff really work? Hmmm. Next were the flashcards. Attention span...5 minutes. We tried this routine for the next four days. Then, I finally decided I'm wasting my time and hers. She's not buying this, and now I'm not either. (At least she's the smart one!).    When I called the company to get information to return it, the rep asked me if I wanted more time. I said no, my daughter is clearly not interested in it. She won't sit and watch the DVDs. Then the lady said, "Well, are you watching them with her?" Really lady? I bit my tongue and simply said yes, but told her I still wanted to return the stuff.    Days after sending it back, I heard on the news that the FTC is questioning the company's reading promises and has filed a complaint claiming "Your Baby Can Read" uses deceptive advertising. I could have told you that one. My baby may not be able to read yet, but she sure knows a scam when she sees one. Just curious, has anyone had success with this program?

Finding Mom-ME-Time

    Every expectant mother hears it..."just wait until that baby comes, your life is going to change, forget about having any time for yourself." Yes, your life does change. Yes, your free time is severely restricted, but does it mean you have absolutely NO time for yourself and your previous passions in life? It doesn't have to, but a lot of times it ends up that way. You just have to learn how to put the "me" back in mommy.
   First let's clarify.."Me" time is not doing the dishes or tidying up the house. At times, that's what it ends up being. "Me" time is reading a book, catching up on a hobby, meeting up with friends....whatever make you happy.

   I will be the first to admit, when my daughter was first born I longed to get out by myself, but once I was out, I turned into a guilty worry wart. I constantly wondered what she was doing, if she was crying, if she was eating, if she missed me. Truth be told, most times she could care less! Yes she was fed, yes she cried a bit, but many times she didn't even realize I was gone!

  She wasn't taking my mom-ME-time away, I was, along with the help of my crazy runaway train of thoughts and guilt. Taking a trip to the store, or the gym, or even, wait for it...a trip to the spa ( I know craziness) is not going to ruin your child's life or make you the worst mother of the year. It's taken me nearly two years to realize that, but I've finally seen the light. I've also learned that if you have people you can ask to babysit or if your spouse or someone else offers to take care of your child so you can get some "me" time, take them up on it! There's gonna be a day when no one will offer! Don't get me wrong, I do still feel a tinge of guilt when I leave her to do my thing, but once I'm out I'm now able to enjoy myself. I also find when I get back I am refreshed and in turn feel like I can a better mother because I'm not so stressed out and am not acting like such a female dog, if you know what I mean.

  It seems like men have no problem finding "me" time. Maybe I'm wrong, but if they want to go out and do something, they just do it. They don't seem to feel guilty. Maybe we all need to take a page out of their book.

 Now...time to go make that manicure appointment!