Missing the Target on Breastfeeding

If you've turned on a TV in the past few days or read anything online or in the paper, you know breastfeeding has been making headlines once again. This time they're not talking about the benefits, but rather where and when a woman can feed her child in public. It's all because of what happened at a Target down in Texas. A woman decided to nurse her fussy child in the women's clothing section when a few workers asked her to go to a fitting room to finish. She says some others gave her dirty looks. She tried to explain to them that the law in Texas (and in many other states) allows women to breastfeed in public. She was so mad she called Target headquarters to complain about how she was treatred. I read that Target welcomes women to breastfeed in public areas of the store without being made to feel uncomfrtable. Target is now going to make sure all of its employees are aware of its policy. In support of her and other breastfeeding moms across the country, many women staged a "nurse-in" at Target stores.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love me some Target shopping, but what these workers did was so not cool. As a breastfeeding mom, it's hard to schedule outings and errands around when you think your child may want to eat or around when you may have a "milkplosion" if you don't let it all out. Like they say, when you gotta go, you gotta go. In this lady's case, her child was hungry, plain and simple. I'm sure if she let her child scream people would have looked at her too because she was "that mom" with "that kid." They would have wondered why she wasn't doing something to keep her kid quiet.

Personally, I don't breastfeed in public because I don't feel comfortable doing it. I like sitting on my couch with my boppy and my baby. I supplement with formula because my baby eats a lot. This also allows me the luxury of being able to pop a bottle in her mouth if we're out and she does get hungry. Women who breastfeed exclusively should be able to at anytime without feeling like a social outcast or for fear of making any man or woman, for that matter, feel uncomfortable. If the woman was standing in the store wearing a string bikini on the verge of having a Janet Jackson Superbowl wardrobe malfunction I wonder how many male employees would complain. Being the catty species we can be, I'm sure the female workers would still have some comments, myself included ! I feel for this Texas woman who was just being a good mom and really using her breasts for what they were intended for. It's just sad that although we've come so far, so many people are still off target when it comes to breastfeeding.

'Twas Two Days Before Christmas

'Twas just two days before Christmas and all around my home, everyone was stirring, no one would leave me alone.
The stockings were hung over the fireplace with care, my husband used Command hooks so no marks would be left there.
Oh,how I wish the children were all snuggled all nice in their beds, they've been bathed, they've been rocked, of course they've been fed, so why do I still have visions of them sleeping dancing in my head?
Mama's in the kitchen with still a lot to do, wrapping, baking, plenty of cleaning left too.
Now Comet!
Now Lysol!
On Swiffer!
On Bissell!
To the top of the counter, all the way down to the floor, you know what to do, we've done this before!
Dust bunnies and dirt, be gone once and for all!
All this work for just one day, the shopping, the cooking, the baking, it seems like it will never get done, but in the end it is worth all the fun.
The hustle and bustle, every year I complain, but without all the ruckus it just wouldn't be the same.
The children are anxious, Christmas Day is almost here, it's the day many of them dream of all year.
There will be wrapping paper flying and directions to be read, plenty of Dads will be wishing they assembled those toys ahead.
When it's all over, the kids will be happy, everything will be just fine and Mommy can finally have that one glass of wine.
Maybe I'll have two, yes, I really just might!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Costly Christmas with Kids? I Don't Think So!

  "Mommy, I want that...no mommy, I want that...and that...no wait, I have to have this." For the love of Christmas, this season can make you lose your mind...and a lot of money if you let it!  Chances are your kids have made their lists and now you're checking them twice to see what you can afford. Right now, I'm lucky, my kids are two months and two years old. Although my two year old can now form sentences "I want (fill in the blank)", she hasn't picked up on actually wanting toys or seeing them in a commercial and realizing she will die without them. A lot of people tell me this is the last year I can "get away cheap" with her. My two-month old doesn't even know what day it is, so I'm safe there.
  So with no real lists to lead me in the right toy aisle, what do I buy and how much do I spend? Hmmm...there's the Barbie Jeep for $300 that my two year old can only ride for a few months out of the year and will probably grow out of in two summers, although her sister will be able to use it down the road.  There are Barbie dream houses for upwards of $100, but she's too young for those yet. Her and Barbie are still strangers, so scratch these things off the list. Then there's that new annoying rock star Elmo thing for about $60. If that thing enters my home, I may need to find it a new one...in the garbage.
   As far as my two-month old goes, there are a lot of educational toys out there I could buy that promise to have her reciting the encyclopedia by the time she's one. If you've been following my blog, you know I'm never going to buy into that again! I'm not sure what other hot toys are out there, but there's a good chance you won't find them in my house the morning of December 25th.That's not to say my children won't be getting gifts, but I'm not going overboard. I know so many people who bombard their kids with so many gifts that it looks like the Toys R Us toy book threw up in their living room. A.) I think that's ridiculous and B.) I think that's setting them up to expect that flood of gifts all the time, which is really setting them up for disappointment, unless they have some rich uncle or something.
   So, why do we feel like we need to spend so much on our kids? Between diapers, clothes, and little odds and ends, I spend more money on them on a monthly basis than I do on myself even before they came along. So just because it's Christmas, I have to empty my bank account? Why...to show them how much I love them? Did the three Kings max out their Visa cards or cash out their Christmas Club account (do banks even have those anymore?) before visiting baby Jesus? I think you get my point. I just get so frustrated when I hear how much some people spend on their kids for Christmas. I know it's none of my business, but I just don't get it, so if someone could explain it to me, that would be great!
  I can honestly say that I did not spend a lot on my kids this Christmas. And by "a lot" I mean I didn't even spend $100 each. Call me a bad parent, call me cheap, call me whatever you want. But, will my children love me any less Christmas morning? I think you know the answer to that.

My Christmas List

Dear Santa,
   I know times are tough this year and your rent in the North Pole went up along with the cost of living. You might have also lost a bit in that 401K and you also probably had to lay off a few elves, so there are less people to make all those toys. The elves you have are probably working OT or maybe you outsourced, who knows. Whatever the case may be, the things on my list have no assembly required and don't need batteries, so you're in the clear. I know you're busy, but I would appreciate whatever you could through my way. I think I've been a good girl this year, so work your magic before heading to Florida for the winter (I assume you and the misses are snowbirds).
Here goes...
1. One day in peace to clean my house...I know this sounds odd, but I get a strange pleasure from cleaning my house from top to bottom even though I know it will just get dirty again within hours. I haven't bonded with my Clorox wipes in awhile, so throw an OCD chic a bone would ya?
2. Dinner at a restaurant that doesn't have crayons...love those kids to pieces, but it would be nice to eat a meal that someone has actually cooked rather than one that has been copied from a picture from corporate headquarters
3. One night of uninterrupted sleep...need I say more?
4. A pay-per-view movie palooza that includes a day in my jammies and maybe a visit from good old Ben & Jerry..I really just want to watch "Something Borrowed" since I read the book
5. A day when my children could change their own diapers (okay I know this is unrealistic, but a momma can dream!)
   I think that just about covers it Santa. Shoot me a tweet or friend me on Facebook if you have any questions. You shouldn't have trouble finding our house, it's done up Clark Griswold style. My husband likes to keep the electric company in business, what can I say! I'll leave you some home baked cookies, if my children nap, if not you're getting Chips Ahoy because that's what was on sale this week. I will have a nice glass of milk waiting for you too.
Sincerely,
Kristina

Thinking and Thanking

   Thanks. When was the last time you said it or was thankful for something (and I'm not talking about saying thanks when the guy behind the counter gives you your change) ? I'm talking about really being thankful for something. It seems as though we're so busy working, talking, texting, facebooking, tweeting, etc., these days that we really don't take time to just sit back, relax and realize what we really do have. I'm definitely included in this "we".  Last weekend, I went out to breakfast with my husband and kids when a stranger made a comment that really stuck with me. My husband and I were looking at the menu, my little baby was asleep in her little carrier, and my two year old was deciding who she wanted to sit with, when a man passed by and said two little words...beautiful family. We both looked up and said thanks. As I was deciding whether I wanted eggs or french toast, I thought to myself, wow, I really do have a beautiful family. So, why did it take a complete stranger to make me really think about that? At times, you really don't realize how fortunate you are and appreciate what you have, because you're too busy wanting and complaining about what you don't have that you don't see what's staring you in the face, 24/7.
   Sure I'm aware of my husband and kids because often I'm too busy complaining about something they're doing or didn't do. But, do I ever realize how I'm grateful I am to have them? No. I'm too worried about who didn't clean the kitchen, who's not going to bed on time, who's spitting up, how many diapers I've changed in a day, hell, in an hour! I never stop and think about how lucky I am to have them and how some people would just die to have my family. There are so many couples who are struggling to have kids that they wouldn't complain about diapers or getting up in the middle of the night. I guess you could say I just take it all for granted. The same could be said for my husband. Ladies, you know there are so many crackhead losers out there that it's hard to find a good man, and when you do, you kinda just forget how good they are. You never say thanks for the little things, but you sure find the time and the words to complain about them. Funny how that works. It's kinda like that Lenox crystal you get for your wedding. You love it when you get it, but then you put it on a shelf or in a closet and forget you have it.
  So after this post, will I never complain about the things that my kids and husband do that annoy me? Probably not. Okay, definitely not. But, will I try to take a deep breath and a step back and look beyond all that? Honestly, yes. As cliche as it may sound, you do need to take some time to smell the roses and appreciate how beautiful they really are. It's sad that it takes some turkey and stuffing or some random guy at a diner to get you to think about what's really important in life.

Can I Have Your Attention Please?

   Mom...mom...mom...mommy...momeee!!!! How many times have you heard that today? Fifty, maybe one-hundred times? In case you didn't know it's the sound of your child wanting your attention. I've always known kids need and want attention, but I've never realized how much until I had my second child. One cries, then the other. Sometimes if I'm lucky, they'll both do it at the same time. That's what I call the symphony. Let me tell you, it's no Mozart or Beethoven!
   Let's start off with the baby. She cries out for attention, literally, when she needs to be fed, changed, or has some other kind of problem. The good thing is her needs can usually be met rather quickly. I can say pretty confidently that when she needs attention, she gets it, is satisfied and moves on. Once she's full and fed she can just chill for awhile.The same can not be said for my two-year-old. She needs a little more TLC. Before the baby came along, she kind of did her own thing. But now, things are a little more complicated and just plain old exhausting. Instead of crying out to get her needs met, she can actually tell me what she needs for the most part. If she's hungry, she says, "Mom, I want yums." If she needs to go to the bathroom or get changed she says, " Mommy, pee pee." Those needs are easy to meet. It's when she starts whining "Mommy" and grabbing my leg like a dog in heat that things get dicey. Ever since the baby came along, she wants to be held more, played with more, and just simply be around me more. Sometimes that's not so easy. I know it's normal, but sometimes it drives me totally nuts!! I know that comment won't win me mom of the year, but it's the truth and I know a lot of other moms who can relate. Of course I want to hold her, play with her, and talk to her as much as I can, but now there is another little person who also needs me. Sometimes I wish I could just clone myself (and if I could I would also clone a version of myself who only had to worry about house chores...but that's a subject for another blog). Sometimes I feel like there really needs to be two of me to deal with both kids and all that goes along with it. But, I don't think my husband could deal with another me!
   As much as I try to split my attention evenly, it seems inevitable that one child gets more attention than the other on any given day. But, who needs more attention? It's funny, some people I talk to say the baby because it's more important to bond with her as much as possible. Others tell me the two-year-old because she's used to having me around and needs to know I am still here for her. The proverbial "they" say if she's acting out, she must really, really need me, so I should go to her. Talk about confusing! It feels like no matter who I choose, someone is going to be mad.
   I will say it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not in this alone. We've talked to a lot of friends who have little babies and a two or three year old at home, and they are going through the same thing. In fact, some of their situations are even worse! Yes, I will admit it make me feel better to know my child is not the only one who grows devil horns every once and awhile. I guess it's all a part of the growing pains (unfortunately, without Kirk Cameron or Tracy Gold, that's a reference for all you 80's fans!), and let me tell you these growing pains hurt and there are no commercial breaks! What else is in store for me? Guess, I'll just have to stay tuned.

Maternity Leave...What's Fair?

   A woman spends nine months carrying a child. It's safe to say many women don't get that much time to stay home and bond with their baby once he or she is born. I've talked to a lot of women who have had to go back to work after just six weeks home. Six weeks...seriously? That's ridiculous. Let me break it down for you the way I see it. During the first two weeks after birth, your body is so beat up from being pregnant and labor that you can just about function. Add the duties of mothering a newborn and you're just a hot mess looking for your next caffeine hit. So, that leaves four weeks to bond with your baby. The only bonding you're doing is with their diapers and spit up. During the first month babies basically eat, sleep, and poop. It's not until they reach that three month mark that they become more interactive. That's not to say you can't bond with them before then, but all the fun stuff happens later...just in time for you to go back to work. Other women I've talked to are lucky enough to get around 12 weeks off under the Family and Medical Leave Act, but don't get paid for the entire time. That leaves many to deal with the tough choice of losing money or losing time with their child. As many people struggle to earn a buck, many have to choose cash over their child if they want to keep a roof over their heads.
   That is a sad scenario for such a world leader as the United States. I was reading that the U.S. and Australia are the only industrialized countries that don't give moms paid leave nationally. Some states have different rules though. One article I read talked about a woman in Canada who got 14 months of paid maternity leave! That's amazing and something that I think will never happen here in the good old  U-S of A. The article also talked about a couple in Sweden who was splitting 16 months of what they call parental leave at 80% pay. And"Czech" this out....I read that in the Czech Republic all mothers can decide to take 2, 3, or 4 years of maternity leave! The state supports them during that time period. That would never fly in the U.S. There are also other countries that have generous maternity leave policies. Wikipedia actually breaks it down in a nice chart. Here's the link if you want to check it out.
   So, where did the U.S. drop the ball? Do we not value a mother or father's time with their child? Would the children in this country end up better if they had more time with their parents before being shipped off to daycare or some other caregiver? No one truly knows, but here's my two cents. No one is going to love or take care of a child like a parent, unless of course they are abusing them or on drugs or something. No one is going to instill the values you want your child to have better than you. Unfortunately, we live in a country where things like that are not valued (then we wonder why some kids have so many problems and are so screwed up). If we did, more women would have access to paid maternity leave to give them time to bond with their children when they are most vulnerable.
   I know some women who would cringe at the idea of two or three years maternity leave. Some women just itch to get back to work because staying at home just isn't for them. But, they should have that option. Right now so many women don't have the choice to take the time off or leave it and to me that is just not fair.

Finding a Routine

   It seems everyone has a routine. Get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, etc. I kinda had one down pretty good for the past two years or so, but now it's time to find a new one. Here's the question, is there anything routine about your days when you're a mom? After having two children in the house for about two weeks now, I can tell you the answer is no. When you have a job to go to with set hours, I think it's easier to set a schedule because you are forced to. But, when you're home and your job, A.K.A. taking care of your kids, has no start time and no end time, it gets complicated.  Nevertheless, I am still looking for a routine (don't laugh!).
   I can tell you what has been routine so far...changing lots of diapers, doing lots of laundry , serving as the dairy cow, and trying to share my time as equally as possible with two kids while still trying to find time for the hubby and myself. As all the mommas know, this is far from easy. Although it may sound like I'm complaining, I'm really not. I'm just stating the facts. I know what I signed up for. I read the fine print and am on board with the program. I'm just trying to figure out how to make it go as smoothly as possible, if that is possible! For me, the hardest part of having two kids has been splitting my time between everyone. My two-year-old wants to play 24/7. We had lots of play time before her little sister arrived and now I'm trying to preserve some of that. So, when the baby naps, we have our special time. That is not always enough for her. Of course she wants attention when I'm feeding her sister or holding her. But, I can only serve one customer at a time. So, she is reluctantly learning the importance of patience.
  Then there's my newborn. Right now, her needs are pretty simple. She needs to be fed, changed, bathed, and most importantly loved. She sleeps a lot, which is a great help, and is pretty much content in her swing or bouncy chair. While her needs are simple, they are time consuming as well. If you've ever breastfed, you know it takes time and each feeding is different. Throw in some quality time with the pump and it can be a full time job.
   After the kids, comes time for the hubby and time for me. But, how does that fit into the big routine? With everything else going on, these two things seem to be a luxury. With the kids wanting all your attention, it becomes a challenge to find time to carve out for yourself and your spouse. For us, it means catching up on a favorite show in the DVR and chit chatting here and there. For a little "me time", I've snuck in some favorite magazines and phone calls with friends. The time may is not as much as before, but at least it's something.
With all of these pieces of the pie, how do you fit them all in on a daily basis to form some kind of routine? If someone has the answer, please let me know! For now, having no routine is my routine.

A Place I Never Thought I'd Be

   When you think about giving birth to your child, the painful labor always comes to mind. But you know it will definitely be worth it when they place that baby in your arms and you get to take him or her home and start your life with the new addition to your family. What you don't envision is not getting to hold him or her, and not being able to take him or her home when you leave the hospital. You don't think you'll see your baby in the NICU with tubes and machines hooked up to her 24/7 and doctors and nurses whispering about their next course of treatment. You don't think you'll be sitting by a plastic incubator for hours at a time wondering if and when you'll get to hold your baby or if she even knows you are sitting right there and that you are her mommy. You don't think these things will happen, but they do to so many parents, including myself.
   My baby girl spent the first 10 days of her life in the NICU after developing some respiratory issues after birth. Unlike many parents with children in the NICU, I got to hold my daughter after she was born. I had no idea there was any problem and apparently neither did anyone else. She looked perfect. It wasn't until she went to get her vitals checked that they realized there was a problem. At first it seemed as though she would be back with us in a few hours, but that quickly changed when the doctors said she needed to go downstairs and spend some time in the NICU. A few hours turned into one night, which quickly turned into days. My heart was broken. This was not the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be with us. There were supposed to be smiling visitors and balloons. There were supposed to be pictures. But there was none of that. Instead, the days were filled with tears, constant worrying, praying, and lots of waiting.
   I spent most of my time in the NICU, sitting by her little incubator. I could touch her, but holding her was out of the question because she was hooked up to so many things. Every time I went to see her or talk to the doctors, I just cried and cried. They reassured me that she was going to be ok. But, that was little comfort. I kept asking why it happened because I blamed myself. I am her mother. She grew inside me for nine months. I must have done something to cause this and now the worst part was I couldn't fix it. I couldn't protect her, which is every parent's instinct. All I could do was put all my trust and hope in doctors and modern medicine. The doctors just kept telling me it was no one's fault and these things just happen. That answer wasn't enough to get rid of the responsibility I felt. I replayed every part of my pregnancy over and over in my head, trying to come up with a reason that this could have happened. As I would ask the doctors about different scenarios, they would just tell me there was no one way to tell and once again that these things just happen. Tell that to the countless parents I saw with babies in the NICU. Each baby had his or her own story, but to me the mothers' stories were all the same. We all exchanged sympathetic eyes. Some of us talked to each other about our situations, but in the end it was all the same. We all just wanted our babies home and healthy.
   That was one of the worst parts of this whole experience... going home without my baby. I remember going home after my first daughter was born and feeling so happy and excited. Not quite this time around. I felt empty. Something, rather someone was missing. My baby had to stay in the hospital to get better. Period. I had to accept it, whether I wanted to or not. I could come and visit her anytime I wanted. Parents shouldn't have to "visit" their newborns. But, this was the reality for the next eight days. My husband and I took turns, spending hours at the hospital, just sitting by her side. When you have time to just sit and think, your thoughts can be your worst enemy. Your mind goes on a crash course of places you don't want it to, playing all the "what if" scenarios. Your mind doesn't allow you to go to the places where something good happens.
   But, good things did start to happen for us. She did start to improve and slowly she was removed from different machines. Eventually, I did get to hold her. Of course, I cried. It was the first time in days that I was able to hold my baby.It was the first time in days I felt like things were going to get better and she would get to come home. And she did. I cried as we walked out of the NICU, but this time they were happy tears. We carried our baby past all the others who were not fortunate enough to come home yet. I said a little prayer, hoping one day soon they could get to go home too.
   When I think about bad experiences, I have to say, this is definitely at the top of the list. But my mom always told me that God doesn't give you something you can't handle. She was right. Somehow I handled this, but it wasn't without a lot of love and support from family and friends. I also learned that you really have to count your blessings because life is truly unpredictable and many times you end up in places you never thought you'd be.

One of These Things is Not Like the Other

  Babies R Us, Motherhood Maternity, Target...those have really been the extent of my shopping experiences over the last few months while I've been pregnant. Throw in a random trip to J.C. Penney and Macy's and that just about covers it. Most of it has been to buy practical things...some new maternity shirts, gifts, clothes for my daughter, and some necessities for the new arrival. I haven't really bought anything for myself because I figure what's the point in buying new clothes when I don't know what post-baby has in store for me.
   But, my good friends at Victoria's Secret (actually we're not really good friends, more like acquaintances, but I digress) sent me some coupons in the mail. Some were for percentages off your purchase when you spend a certain amount. But there was one for a free pair of underwear. There's not a lot that's free in the world and my motto has always been if it's free, it's for me. So I decided to cash in on my coupon. I took my daughter on a nice little stroller ride through the mall and stopped in Victoria's Secret. Well, I'm surprised an alarm didn't go off when I stepped foot inside. Let's just say with my bulging pregnant belly and bouncing two-year-old in the stroller, I didn't exactly blend in. To my right were some women checking out the latest lingerie...they needed to eat a twinkie. To my left in the "Pink" section were a bunch of teenie bopper girls wondering what sweatpants to buy. It is apparently very important which word is on your butt, silly me.
So I waddled over to the table to get my free grub when a bubbly girl asked if I needed help. I'm surprised she didn't ask me if I was lost or if I needed directions. I told her I was just picking out my free underwear. She did point me in the right direction and then asked if she could help me with anything else. I looked at her, looked at my belly, looked at her again and politely said no. When she realized she wasn't going to make a dime off of me, she slowly strolled away.
   As I rummaged through the table, I realized that some things have changed since I had been here last...mainly the sizes. I think the size small could have fit my two-year-old. What grown woman could fit into those? I have wash clothes bigger than those underwear. Obviously, I was starting to feel like getting the free pair of underwear just wasn't worth it. But, I kinda already felt like I committed, so I figured I might as well follow through. So, I sifted through to sadly determine my "new mommy" size and get to the register. Once I got there, the Barbie behind the counter asked me why I wasn't using my other coupons. For the love of Pete, just give me my free underwear and let me get out of here! I pointed to my belly and told her it just wasn't practical right now. I got an "oh". Yeah, "oh" is right. So, she wrapped up my non-purchase and I was on my way. I dodged my way through the dental floss undies and super padded push-up bras. Luckily, my daughter was too obsessed with her cheerios the whole time and didn't say much. I just couldn't wait to get out of there. I was feeling kinda dumb being in there, but they did send me a coupon. And if you know me, I haven't met a coupon I didn't like. Maybe they need to add a line of fine print on the bottom of the coupon that says, "pregos steer clear, if you come in, you'll find one of these things is clearly not like the other."

Three's a Crowd

  You've heard the saying....two's company, three's a crowd...well nothing can be more true when it comes to sleeping and kids. I have to admit up front that I am really against letting kids sleep in their parents' bed. Call me mean, but the only time I think it's o-k is when they're sick, because who doesn't need a little extra TLC when they're feeling icky? I just think once they get used to sleeping with you and your spouse on a regular basis, they are going to think that's the norm. Sorry to say it's not. I am coming to painfully realize that breaking bad habits isn't easy, especially with kids. So why start another one?
  With that said, I think you can guess that my daughter has taken up sleeping with mommy and daddy on a semi-regular basis. This is her M-O....we put her in her bed. She'll sleep there for a few hours, wake-up, and call for one of us. When no one comes to her rescue, she takes it upon herself to get out of her toddler bed and come into our room. (Boy do I miss the crib days) Although the bed is too high for her, she scales it like Mount Everest, finds her spot between us and snuggles in for the rest of the night. She falls asleep instantly, which tells me she didn't have any real problem while in her bed. She wasn't wet, hungry, or sick. She apparently just wanted some company. If you try to take her out and put her back in her bed, holy hell breaks loose. There is screaming, arms flying, feet stomping....all at 2 or 3 in the morning. Lovely. Sometimes we try to be hard with her and keep her in her bed, other times, sleepiness wins, and we fold like Gumby. I know, I know, we're not helping the situation, but sometimes you just gotta sleep!
  Some people tell me it's just a phase she's going through because we are expecting baby number two very soon. Parents who have lived through this hell, say she knows someone else is coming and doesn't want to feel left out. Lord only knows what's down the road when the baby actually gets here and is in our room (in his or her bassinet mind you) for awhile. They all tell me she will grow out of it. When? Others say she could be afraid of the dark. But she has a really nice night light and has never been afraid of the dark before. Maybe she's having nightmares, who knows? She used to love sleeping in her big girl bed...alone...every night....for awhile now. I would really love if she could communicate what the problem is when we ask. But we're not up to that point yet. Does anyone have any suggestions to get her back in her own bed or do we just have to suck it up for awhile?

SpongeBob Bashing...Right or Wrong?

  Everyone knows just how popular SpongeBob SquarePants is with kids. But, now some researchers say you shouldn’t let your four-year-old watch the show. In case you haven’t heard, researchers  found that four-year-olds who watched just nine minutes of the show displayed short-term attention and learning problems. But, their findings are the results of tests of only 60 kids. They compared their results to kids who watched the slower-paced kids’ cartoon “Caillou” and to kids who were told to draw pictures. Kids who watched that cartoon or drew pictures did better on the mental tests than the SpongeBob group. Nickolodeon says SpongeBob is not geared toward four –year-olds, rather it’s for 6 to 11 year olds.
   Whatever the case, I think we all know there are plenty of four-year-olds who watch SpongeBob. I know a lot of parents who let their kids watch the show and their kids are just fine. I think that’s one of the many reasons I have a big issue with this study. First of all, you’re only sampling 60 kids. I’ve never conducted a study, but that seems like a very small part of the population to base your findings. I would be curious to know if the kids tested watched SpongeBob before. If so, for how long? What other shows do they watch? How frequently do they watch them? There are so many questions, yet so few answers.
   In my house, we’re not into SpongeBob (yet). But, would I turn it off if my daughter was interested in it? Not based on this study, that’s for sure. Maybe I would just let her watch it for eight minutes and see what happens (ha ha). Sure, SpongeBob pops up on the TV every now and again, but she’s just not into it. However, we do watch “Caillou” once in awhile. She seems to get bored with the poor kid (maybe he’s too slow, maybe the researchers need to test that one out). Seeing the popularity and success SpongeBob has had, I don’t think the millions of kids who have been watching him for more than nine minutes of their lives have attention problems. Just look at the booming business SpongeBob has become. His porous face is everywhere. They wouldn’t keep making the stuff if people weren’t buying it. I think researchers need to get out of the pineapple house on this one, relax, and grab a Krabby Patty.

My Least Favorite Word

   Do you want waffles for breakfast? No. Do you want to put your clothes on? No. Do you want to go shopping? No. Have you guessed what my least favorite word is these days? Yes, it's no. I have come to despite one of the most common words in the English language. Why? Because that is all I hear these days.
   Is it just a coincidence that my daughter has turned two and this has become her most spoken word (in addition to hi and ma, which she yells out like Stewy on Family Guy, which has also become annoying)? I'm sure (or at least I think) it all fits in perfectly with her becoming her own little person and forming her own little attitude. I just wish I didn't have to suffer in the process.
  My favorite use of the word "no" is when she repeats it like she's a CD skipping. Add a little whining in with it and you have the perfect recipe for a migraine headache with boiling blood pressure. Bake at 350 and presto...a good combo for a woman who is about to give birth in less than a month. It's like she knows exactly what buttons to press when she starts belting out the word. If I'm lucky, after all the no's I get a little feet stomping and on a real good day, she'll start to lay down on the floor. I know you're jealous. Sometimes I try to ignore it, sometimes I yell, sometimes I try to rationalize with her (ha ha). No matter what I do, the answer is still no. Sometimes I even start repeating the word in her face. That doesn't seem to have the same effect on her as it does on me.
   I tell myself, I can't wait for her to master the word "yes". Although she'll probably use it when she wants to say no anyway. Either way, I'm kinda stuck. A lot of people have told me this kind of thing happens when kids learn how to talk. Is there anyway to stop them? I think you know the answer...no.

Leashes...Love 'Em or Hate 'Em?

   Before I had a child, I thought leashes were only for dogs, other small animals, and at times, husbands (just kidding, ha ha). But now, I've been exposed to a whole new world...leashes for children. We all know how hard it can be to keep kids from running around all over the place when you're in a store trying to shop. There's only so many times you can say "no", "get over here", "don't touch." It also gets annoying if you have to go and chase them down as you're rummaging through a clothing rack to find a size medium (not everyone is small or large people, they need to make more mediums...but I digress).
  There are a few solutions to this problem, A). Put them in a shopping cart if it's a store that has one. B). Bring a stroller. C.) Leave them at home. "C" would be the best solution, but it's just not practical. You can't drop off your kid every time you have to run an errand. There's also D.) Try to control them the best you can and deal with the outcome...or my least favorite E.) Put them on a leash.
  My husband and I were shopping recently and saw one woman who opted for choice "E." From the looks of him, I'd say the child was about four years old. The mom was holding the leash which attached to an ever so stylish teddy bear backpack and harness. By adding the teddy bear, I guess it's supposed to make the kid feel as if it's fun to get walked like a dog.
  She was walking her child through the parking lot just as if she was walking her Doberman. I joked to my husband that I knew we forgot something at home. I looked down and was so thankful my daughter fell asleep. We opted for choice "B" that day. By the grace of God, our little one passed out in the stroller and we were able to do what we had to do.(Trust me this was just a fluke.)
   Getting back to the leash lady,  I have to say the little boy didn't seem to mind. He surely didn't go anywhere his mother didn't want him to go. It just looked so wrong to me to put a harness on a child and control his every move. I know a lot of people may disagree with me and think the leash is the best route and convenient. But, I think kids need to learn that in the real world, you need to control yourself. Adults don't walk each with leashes, and parents shouldn't walk their kids with one either.
   I compare this concept to the "cry rooms" in churches. One of the churches I used to go to has a cry room. I used to take me daughter in there so we wouldn't disturb the other parishioners. The only person I ended up disturbing was myself. My daughter thought it was happy hour and went to socialize with everyone in there. There was no way I could possibly pray, except to hope mass would be over soon. Other kids were doing the same thing though. It was like a daycare, with some Alleluias thrown in every now and again. Even the parents were chit chatting. Now we go to a church without a cry room and she behaves 100 percent better because she knows she has to. Sure she turns around and waves to people and makes some noise. But 90 percent of the time, she's occupied by the toys I bring and the simple surroundings. I think the same thing is true when it comes to leashes. Teach kids that they have to behave without a leash and they'll learn that's what people in the real leash-free world do. You can't put a leash on them forever, so what happens when they outgrow them? Do you teach them self-control at that age? So many questions, but one simple answer...save the leash for Fido.

The Need to Nest

  It's here...the need to nest has arrived and I'm rolling out the red carpet. I remember during the first pregnancy, I suddenly had the urge to organize all my clothes and my husband's too for that matter. I wanted to organize utensil drawers...and anything else I could get my hands on. Someone told me my nesting phase was started. I didn't know what the heck that meant. I'm not a bird. But then I learned it's the urge pregnant women get to get things organized. It supposedly helps us prepare and feel ready for the baby. I read up on it and learned that it sometimes can be a sign that labor isn't too far off. But, some women do get it early on in their pregnancy too, and maybe some women don't get it at all.

   People who know me, know I can be a bit of a neat freak by nature. It's just in my DNA. So, add a little nesting instinct and you've got Martha Stewart on a Charlie Sheen party binge. Unfortunately, I've had to let go of a lot of organizing after having my first child. I've learned mess is not necessarily best, but sometimes you have to suck it up and deal with it. But, now the need to nest is trying to take over some of the clutter and shake me up a bit.

   During the first pregnancy, I went on a nesting binge only to have my husband come home one day to find all his clothes folded and put away nicely in the drawers. The clothes in the closet were organized too...all the long sleeve shirts were together, while all the short sleeve shirts and pants had a new home. All of my clothes followed similar orders. Everything was organized...at least for awhile!

  This time is turning out to be no different, but with just one exception...finding the time to do it all. The little men in my head are working overtime with all the projects I want to complete before baby number two enters the world. Besides organizing clothes, there are pictures that need to be put into photo albums, cabinets that need to be rearranged...files that need to be fixed. Don't even get me started on the stuff I want to organize for the new baby! But, there's also a little two-year-old girl that also needs lots of attention and love, so I'm not sure how much of that is going to get done. I think the key is to have her help me! Although I don't know how well that would work out. All I know is my nesting need is ready to hatch.

 

Marking Milestones

   Graduations, weddings..they're among the milestones that parents cry and sigh over. I know those are way down the road for me, but there are some little milestones happening right now that are already getting me a little misty. My daughter just turned two and she's doing so many things on her own now. I know, I know, it's part of life, but I don't want to see her grow up! Parents who have already gone through these things can relate I'm sure.

   Before I became a mom, I used to roll my eyes when I heard other moms talk about milestones like first steps, first words, etc. Sure they're great I thought, but nothing to grab the Kleenex box over. But, now that I have experienced those things I can totally relate and can't believe what an idiot I was. Those are really BIG deals. I'll admit when my daughter took her first steps, I cried. When she first said "momma" I screamed really loud. I was so excited that she knew who I was and could verbalize it. Now, she won't stop saying it, which is a subject for an entirely different blog!

   Now that she's two, a lot of my duties are done. My job of feeding her is basically over. I just cut up her food and put it on her plate and she eats it all by herself. This milestone is a great one, because I can now actually eat my food while it's semi-hot. Not necessarily one to cry over, but still a change that signals she's no longer a little baby.

   Gone are the days of loading her up in the baby carrier and bringing her to and from the car. No more trying to balance her and bags and keys and whatever else may be in my hands at the time. Now, I just get her out of the car seat and watch her walk to the door and wait for me to open it. Again, not a particularly bad thing going on here.

   But one thing that really pulled at my heart strings happened about a month ago when we put the toddler rails on her crib. We just kinda figured it was time and we should do it. The minute they went on and she realized she could climb in and out of bed herself. It was a whole new world. She now has a big girl pillow and knows she can sleep like everyone else. By getting out of bed whenever she wants, she is getting her first taste of freedom. No more waiting for mommy or daddy to come in and scoop her out of the crib.  She also knows she can fall out of bed if she's not careful. And she did, but only once. I don't think she liked that part of it very much, But I think she does enjoy getting up before us and running into our room as we're still trying to figure out what time of the morning it is. Right now it's a quarter past my little baby is growing up. Soon it will ten till she gets her license and starts liking boys (God help us!). I know we have a ways to go, and there are so many more milestones to mark before we get to that point.

  I've come to realize that having a child really gives you a true grasp of how precious time really is. One minute you're holding them in the hospital and the next they're ready to say bye-bye. So, I think we shouldn't just mark milestones, but try to mark minutes, hours, and days because you're never going to get them back.

Is Chivalry Dead?

It seems this summer a lot of my dilemmas and drama stems from trips to the beach. My most recent visit had me asking...is chivalry dead? Here's the story...For some of us, putting up a beach umbrella is not easy. If you think it is, then good for you. Add a pregnant belly and a rambuncious almost two year-old child and it doesn't get any easier. During a visit to my local beach, my 16-year-old niece and I fought to get the umbrella in the sand. We dug and dug using our plastic shovels and tried to get it to stay. When that didn't work we got pails of water to make a "sand cement". We thought that was the key. And it was....for all of 5 minutes. The umbrella blew away. We ran after it. While this whole scenario was playing out, one guy in his twenties was sitting a few feet away witnessing the whole thing while tanning in his chair. Do you think he got up to help? Nope. There was another older man sitting on the other side. Surely he must have heard me cursing the sand. Do you think he got up to help? Nope. So, we decided not to try again and just surrender to the sun. I slopped on another layer of sunscreen on myself and my daughter. I was more concerned about the sun exposure to my daughter seeing that she already has a better tan than me this summer. Definitely not my genes. Nonetheless, it appeared as though we would never got our umbrella up, so extra sunscreen it was.    After looking around and noticing I was getting no love while the sun was beating on my daughter, I looked in the horizon. At last...my savior was riding in on an ATV. No, it wasn't David Hasselhoff from "Baywatch", but two local cops on the beach patrol beat. They must be itching for something to do seeing that patrolling the beach in an ATV can't be that hard. Although they didn't see all the trouble we went through, I thought maybe they would help if they saw the umbrella lying in the sand. Silly me. They were talking to one another, totally engrossed in their conversation when they shifted the ATV in park and crossed the street to get something to eat before I could get my pregnant butt off the sand chair to ask for help.   I told my niece I would ask them when they got back, as the umbrella continued to protect the sand from the beating sun. But, to be honest, by the time I turned around, they were already revving their engine, still engrossed in their conversation. I felt defeated, but too annoyed to try to rush to stop them and ask for help. So, I did what anyone else would do. I went on Facebook and complained about it. I got some funny responses. All the while, my daughter didn't seem to mind the sun, but it bothered me that she was there without shade.  Then I noticed a guy who drove up to the shore on his jet ski. He was talking to some women who had kids ( minus an umbrella I may add, maybe they just didn't even bother with the aggravation). I scoped him out to make sure he wasn't a wack-a-do. My nutso sensor didn't ring, so I got up and approached him. I said, "Excuse me, do you think you can help us get our beach umbrella up so my daughter can play in the shade? It's kinda hard when it's hot out and you're pregnant." Yeah, I played the pregnant card, so sue me. He said sure and came right over.   I started telling him about my whole ordeal. He agreed that some people are really rude. He also admitted that he had trouble last week getting his umbrella to stay in the sand. He dug and dug, spending quite awhile to get it all ready...(and even used our sand cement idea). Then wa-la...our umbrella was up, there was shade, I was happy! I thanked him over and over again as he hopped on his jet ski into the sound, only to come ashore some other day to help a pregnant damsel in distress.(ok, maybe a little dramatic there) I'll have you know, while this was going on, the other guy sitting around, the Jersey Shore wanna-be, was still sitting there working on his tan. The older guy had left at this point. Word to the wise...chivalry goes a long way, a tan fades in weeks.

Too Pushy?

  Labor... we all know it as some kind of work, but to women it has a special meaning. For some, labor can be another word for hell. Others will tell you it's not so bad and a select few will tell you it's just great. However the experience is for you, do you think you should receive some kind of reward when it's all over? That is besides the beautiful bundle of joy, of course. Well, it seems a lot of women are getting "push presents". And we're not just talking about flowers and a card. There is some serious bling being tossed around. There was a piece on Good Morning America this week that talks about these presents (Check out this link in case you missed it http://abcnews.go.com/US/push-presents-moms-babys-gift/story?id=14046485). You'll see they're not just for celebrity moms. They make it seem like everyday moms are getting these presents. Hmmm...I didn't get a "push present" the first time around. But, I did buy myself a "pregnancy present" before the labor process. I splurged on a Coach wallet that I normally wouldn't have bought. I didn't ask anyone like my husband to get it for me, just went to the store, used my money and bought it. I still love it to this day, two years later.

  This time around, I haven't bought any pregnancy presents yet, but I still have 11 and 1/2 weeks to go. I do plan on getting a little something. But this time instead of something I can drool over, I may opt for a spa day. A little mommy massage, mani, pedi, and I think I'm good. I'm not expecting a "push present" either. First of all because I know my husband all too well and know he would never buy into it, both literally and figuratively and simply because I'm not a bling kind of girl.

  For those who want them and get them, more power to you. But, I think I'll settle for a little R&R at the spa (okay and maybe some flowers!).

Tell Me What You Really Think

   Sometimes it really amazes me how nervy strangers can be at times. Here's the story that got me all fired up...We were on vacation last week and my daughter was playing on the beach. She went over to a little girl around her age and started picking up some of her toys. After telling her to stop, the little girl's mother invited my daughter to go over and play. Since my daughter is so friendly, (she can become BFF's with a rock, I think she definitely gets that from her father) we walked over.

  At first, all was well. The little girls were playing in the sand. I was sharing some mindless conversation with this other mom. I can't even tell you what we were talking about. That's how unimportant it was. But,then it started. The girls got up to get some more water for their pails. The other little girl had her water shoes on as she walked to the water. My daughter did not. So, the other mom asked me if we had water shoes. I answered yes, but my little one doesn't really like shoes, so she took them off. I got an "oh" and some silence. I really didn't think anything of it. But then when the girl got up the second time, the mom said to me "oh, I really wish she had her shoes on." She was referring to my little one. Strike One. I told her she was fine, if she had a problem, she would be screaming. She made it seem like we were walking on hot coals to hell. It was just a few rocks, toughen up lady.

  I was getting a little annoyed, but decided to stick around because the girls were having fun. Then this uncensored Momma asked me how many words my daughter says. I simply answered "a few." Then she asked me if "we do" daycare. I answered that I am fortunate enough to have my mom and mother-in-law babysit while I work, so I don't have to pay for daycare. Then she told me that once she sent her daughter to daycare, her vocabulary grew so much because grandma wasn't "doting on her." Strike Two. By this time I wanted to throw her in the ocean. Who the heck are you lady? You're asking me so many questions and I've only known you for five minutes and hopefully we will never see each other again. During this whole time, I've kept the conversation light and impersonal, while she's giving me advice and putting her two cents in...heck...she's putting in a whole dime.

  I stood there and looked away as she got down on the sand to help her daughter build a "water wall". My daughter must have sensed my frustration because she started to take her plastic shovel and scoop the wall away. The lady kept trying to build it back up. My daughter kept pushing it down. Build...push..build...push. This was getting fun. Normally I would have told her to stop. But, I just didn't feel like it. Then the mother of the year said ,"oh let's not push down the wall honey." Strike Three. You're out and we're outta here. I mustered every nice bone left in my body and told my daughter Daddy was calling her and he wanted to go check out the pool. All I had to say was Daddy, and she dropped the shovel and we were out. Although I wanted to kick sand in this lady's face, I simply said bye and see you later. Peace Out.

  Maybe it's just me, but I'm not so open with my thoughts and opinions with complete strangers when it comes to parenting advice. If some of those words were coming from a trusted friend or relative, I may have listened. I would still have complained, but I would have listened. I just couldn't believe how high and mighty this lady thought she and her kid were. Mind you, her daughter wasn't reciting the encyclopedia while playing in the sand or quoting Shakespeare. I wanted to ask her where all those extensive vocabulary words were hiding. In the sand? In her water shoes?

  Although I walked away annoyed, there was a lesson learned. Next time I encounter someone like this on the beach I need to go grab the water shoes and throw one at the mom-zilla!

Time Out

 I love timeouts. Not for my daughter, but for me, and not in the context of getting punished or anything like that. Just a good old time out for relaxing. Which, by the way, needs to happen more often I've decided. Easy you say. Wrong I say. But that's what weekends are for, you say. Not always, I say. That's what extra days off are for, I say. I finally had one that wasn't taken over by a "to do" list. The only thing "to do" was to go to the beach. Mission Accomplished.

  It may sound dumb, but the beach day was just what I needed. I packed up my daughter and all our paraphernalia and off we were. I used to go to the beach with just a chair and one bag. Now there's a chair, a beach bag, a diaper bag, a bag of beach toys, and a cooler for those GoGurts. That may not sound relaxing, but I'm getting there.

  Once we got everything settled and met up with our friends, my daughter and I were in our glory. She played with those sand toys for nearly four hours! She didn't even know I existed, until she wanted to walk to the water. I really couldn't believe it. Usually she gets bored with a toy in no time. Her obession with the sand allowed me to get some sun, chat it up, and just relax. There were no dishes in the sink calling my name or crumbs whispering to get picked up. There was just the sound of ocean and the breeze. I definetly like those sounds so much better.

  Listening to the those sounds and pretty much doing nothing took up most of the day. My daughter didn't want to go home and neither did I. But when we did leave, my head felt a lot clearer on the ride home. I felt refreshed, My daughter felt tired, she fell asleep in two-point-two seconds! I wasn't agitated and didn't feel like I was going to scream like a raging female dog (which is usually the case these days, but I'm blaming the pregnancy hormones!). I simply felt calm. Time for another time out!

Too Much Too Soon?

We all know kids grow up too fast, but from some of the things I've seen lately, I think we're giving them no choice, and it's really starting to bug me. First of all, some call them cute, but I don't think toddlers and pre-schoolers need to wear two-piece itsy bitsy teenie-weenie yellow polka dot bikinis. You can say I'm a prude, but I think little girls don't need to show so much skin. If they're showing that much at 3 and 5, what are they going to wear at 13 and 16? With so many pervs out there, I think you're only fueling the fire. On the practical side, if they wear a one piece, that's just less sunscreen to put on. If you've ever tried to put sunscreen on a kid, you know it's not a fun experience.   Another thing that's been getting under my skin is this report I saw on designer clothes for babies and toddlers. Call me cheap, but does a 6 month-old need to wear Dior or Versace? It's still going to stain when they spit up on it, poop on it, or smear sweet potatoes all over it. The difference is, when the stains don't come out, you're not going to be out 10 or 15 bucks, you'll be out a couple of hundred. But, hey, atleast your kid looks cute, right? Wrong! Kids grow out of clothes so fast, why would you want to waste your money? I don't get it.    I will be the first to admit I buy my daughter's clothes on sale and use coupons whenever I can. And I'll let you in on a big secret, I even buy some of her clothes and shoes in Walmart! I know, the humanity! Right now, she has the cutest pair of Walmart brand Garanimals sneakers that she loves. Does she know they're not Puma or Nike? No. Does she care? No. Do I care? No. Am I saving money? You betcha! These days what's wrong with saving a few dollars? Here's an even bigger secret, if I see a cute shirt or something that I like in Walmart I may actually buy it for myself! I know, the fashion gods would have a field day with me!   I just think that if you teach your kids to be into labels at such an early age, you're only opening up the door to disaster down the road. If they're used to designer now, there's a good chance that's what they're always going to want. If you can support that kind of lifestyle until age 18, God bless you. But, I think these days most of us can't.   There are so many things that are making kids grow up fast these days, I could go on for hours and hours. This is going to make me sound so old, but when I was growing up, we didn't have smart phones and internet access at our fingertips. We didn't text, tweet, Facebook...or God forbid sext! Somehow I survived. I did play video games, I did talk on the phone, but I also read books, and even kept Barbie driving around in her pink metallic corvette for as long as I could. If you couldn't tell, I didn't wear high fashion clothes and can't remember wearing a bikini (but that was probably because I could never really get rid of that baby fat!). Despite no Versace, no phone, and one piece bathing suits, I think I turned out pretty good.

Props to the Pops

  So we all know how important a mother is in a child's life, but let's not forget the Dads. Since Father's Day is approaching, it's time to give props to the Pops out there. Unfortunately, a lot of kids don't get to grow up with their Dads for a variety of reasons. But for those who are lucky enough to have their Dads around, it's really a bond you can't describe. I can tell you from experience that it all starts at birth.

  From the second my daughter was born, my husband was in love. She had him wrapped around her tiny finger. I could tell that he would move heaven and earth to give her all this world has to offer. He would protect her from all the evils, soothe her when she has a nightmare, and teach her right from wrong. Wouldn't all Dads? That's their job. Dads are there to keep a watchful eye. Dads are there to try to make sure no one hurts you. Dads want the best for you and want you to be the best. They brag about your accomplishments and encourage you when you don't quite make the mark.

  While Dads express pride about their kids, kids are also pretty proud of their Dads. When it comes to those career days at school, you can hear kids say, "My Dad does this...my Dad does that." Kids take bragging rights when it comes to their fathers. That's why being a Dad is not something that should be taken lightly. Unfortunately though, there are some bad ones in the bunch. I always say you need a license to do a lot of things, but anyone can become a parent. My heart goes out to those kids. Hopefully they have someone else in their life that can help fill the void.

  Dads certainly do have a special place in a child's heart. I know when I tell my daughter "Daddy's home", she drops me and everything else like a hot potato and runs to the door. Although I hear this changes as they get older, it really is the most precious thing to see these days. Dad is definitely the hero in her eyes. No doubt about that one. In our house, Dad is also the more fun one, so there's always plenty of giggles and smiles. Sure I can make our daughter laugh, but not quite like Daddy. There is something magical there that just can not be put into words.

   I know as she grows up and reaches all those milestones, our daughter will always be looking back to make sure Daddy is there to watch and he'll be looking forward to warn her of any bumps in the road ahead.

   So this Father's Day instead of buying another tie or tool set, just give props to the Pops. They truly do deserve it.

Milk Money

    Back in the day, kids used to get milk money from their moms. Nowadays, moms are making their own milk money, so to speak. They're cashing in on their excess breast milk. Perhaps you've heard, moms are selling their breast milk and pumping up their bank accounts in the process.

  This stuff really freaks me out. Anyone who knows me can tell you I'm in favor of breast feeding. I'm not a member of "La Leche League" or anything like that, but I think it's great for the baby, good for bonding, and not to mention a fabulous way to lose that baby weight quickly without much effort. But I think your breast milk, should be for your kid, not for some random babies across the country.That's just me.

   I've been doing a lot of reading about this because I just find it intriguing and completely odd at the same time. Apparently, some women are earning hundreds of dollars a month. Now I get it. It's just that when you're breastfeeding you kinda already feel like a dairy cow, now some women are really becoming one. While some produce just cups a day, others can produce gallons. As many of you may know, even if you freeze it, breast milk does have a shelf life. So these women have found a way to not let anything go to waste.

   Besides the fact that the whole thing just creeps me out, you gotta think about the health factor.Your breast milk has nutrients YOUR body makes for YOUR baby. Some babies are already allergic to their own mother's breast milk, so why would you want to take a chance with a stranger's? In fact, even the FDA is not recommending people buy breast milk on the open market because it could lead to disease. Why would you want to put your baby at risk? I say if you can't make it, breast may not be best, and formula should be the way to go.

  I've heard some people say selling breast milk is no different than accepting donated blood or going to a sperm bank. If you look at it as if you're just taking another bodily fluid then I guess you could make your case. But, I'm not convinced. If breast milk were something that should be shared with everyone and bought by anyone, I would find it in the dairy section at Stop & Shop. But I don't. Who knows though, someday that could be coming! Never say never!

The Real Deal

   You've heard the saying, you have to see it to believe it. Well, I kinda feel that way when it comes to pregnancy. Now that I'm five months along, although it's round two,  I think I've finally realized it's the real deal. It may sound dumb, but it's true. For some reason, the second time around is different, both mentally and physically. When you first find out you're pregnant, you can't see the proof. Sure you may feel it with the morning sickness (yeah, never had that! ha ha) and other aches and pains. You may feel a little run down, but your clothes still fit and for the most part people can't even tell. Although there are the few who always say they can. They either have some kind of spidey sense or they are great BS'ers. Some people may tell you you're glowing, but I think that's a crock too.

  As you notice your body start changing, a little light bulb starts to go on. There's someone growing inside. In the beginning, it may just look like you've hit the McDonald's drive-thru one too many times. I kinda felt like I had a beer gut, although I haven't had any alcohol in months. Then a little pouch forms and you notice it's different than just fat. It's a little rounder and a little more formed.

  The months start going by and of course you get bigger and bigger and you start to notice it. And so does everyone else. And they're not shy about telling you. I love when people tell me, "Oh, you've gotten so big." Gee thanks. I already feel like a Tell-a-Tubbie. Now you're just confirming it. Not only are the signs visible from the outside, but you can also see them from the inside during the ultrasounds. Those are the best part. It's amazing to see a little head, arms, legs, and everything else constantly growing. It's mind-blowing to think such a little person is inside with their own heart, their own lungs, their own everything. . It makes all the weight and swelling worth it. I have to admit I get a little misty during those ultrasounds. There's just something about knowing that that little person on that monitor is your baby. It may sound corny, but it really is the miracle of life

  So now, I sit ( a lot by the way) at the more than half-way point, wondering what he or she will look like, wondering what the next 18 weeks will hold. A lot of wondering, but knowing inside (and out)  that this is the real deal.

Calgon Take Me Away!

   It's been a long day. I've been up for almost 18 hours. I just want to lay on the couch and catch up on my three episodes of "Glee" that are in the DVR. But, that's just not going to happen. It's the witching hour. Moms, Dads, you know what I'm talking about. It's the time just after your child's bath, just before bedtime, when they have somehow gotten their second wind and are ready to party like Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. It's the time when your speed is set more like Barry Manilow's "Mandy." It's time for bed...A.K.A. mom's chill time.
  I try to give the "let's chill" signal by dimming the lights and getting my daughter a little snack. We do a little reading which is always the same book because that's what she loves. I wish she would realize it's no longer Valentine's Day and Elmo has figured out who sent him "this beautiful valentine." But that's o.k. It's really cute the way she gets excited each time we read it like she's never heard the story before. Sometimes this works, other times, I try to lay down while she tries to pull me off the coach with all her little might. She gets frustrated. I get frustrated. She starts to cry. I feel like I want to cry. What on God's green earth could you possible want? You're clean. You've being fed. Most times, you've had a pretty good day with lots of playing and attention. Can't Mommy just chillax? Ha! Yeah, No.
  Since I wake up for work when most people are enjoying their sleep, my couch/DVR time is really limited and precious.Sometimes I get up to see what she wants, other times I just let her work it out herself. Meantime, I've paused "Glee" on the DVR for the third time. If my husband is home, he can see the frustration building. I can feel horns coming out of head and the female dog inside me is barking to come out. It kinda feels like Michael J. Fox in "Teen Wolf." (but not nearly as funny) You just can't control it. And bam...it happens. I start yelling like a crazy woman. My husband sometimes just sits there, other times tries to take control of our daughter and tells me to calm down. My daughter usually just stands there and looks at me, probably wondering what my problem is. There just comes a time of the day/night when you can't take much more. Then of course, I feel bad for losing my temper. But, I just wanted to watch my "Glee".  Is that too much to ask?

  Some parents have told me they just put their children in their bed or crib and let them lay there and cry it out until they get so tired they pass out. Different strokes for different folks I guess. If I do that, I still have to hear her scream. I still can't watch my "Glee". Problem not solved. Oh Calgon, Take Me Away! (or just let me watch my "Glee") 

It's a Boy! It's a Girl! It's a ....

    Surprise! You hear that word a lot if you go to a party where someone is celebrating some kind of milestone birthday. You hear it sarcastically when you've just heard something you really wish you hadn't. I've noticed the majority of the surprises in my life aren't things I really want to remember. But there are a handful that I hold near and dear to my heart. One of those is the surprise of not finding out the sex of my daughter before she was born. I remember everyone saying, "Oh my God! How could you wait?" "Don't you want to know?" Of course I wanted to know, of course I was curious. But my husband and I thought the element of surprise would far outweigh the benefit of knowing months before the baby was born. We were right. I remember the second my daughter was born and the doctor said "It's a Girl!". My emotions were already at their highest peak, and that just made it all the better.

  Despite the feelings of euphoria of not finding out the sex of my child during my first pregnancy, I swore I would find out with my second.Why? Simple, it would be more convenient. If I knew I was having another girl I could just start washing clothes and I would be all prepared when the baby arrives. If not, I could start going shopping for everything blue I could find. But, the more I talked with my husband, the more I began to realize I really wanted the surprise again. It kinda felt like if I knew, it would be one less thing to look forward to on that special day. There would be no more surprises, except for the whole going into labor thing! 

  So when we went for the mother of all ultrasounds and the tech asked if we were finding out the sex, we said no. She told us to look away for a second and I can honestly say I did. Although during the whole thing I was looking in that area to see if I could see any sign of a third leg. I couldn't help myself. It was like Adam and Eve and the whole forbidden fruit thing...okay maybe not that dramatic. Even though we decided not to find out, I was still so curious. I looked. I couldn't detect any male parts, but then again, I'm sure the tech wasn't focusing down there too much.

  As she left, she asked if we wanted her to write the sex down on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope and give it to us. She said then if we changed our mind, we could find out. We just had to open the envelope. We both said no way. That's like leaving a crack pipe on the counter for a recovering drug addict...you know just in case you change your mind. No thanks. From what I hear, we are in the minority for not finding out. But that's okay I usually like to do my own thing anyway, so it's kinda fitting.

  So this time around, I won't be prepared for blue or pink and that's o.k.  Instead I will be thinking of another gender neutral theme for the new baby's nursery and looking for those yellow and green clothes.  During the next 20 weeks my husband and I will start to think about possible boy and girl names and probably argue, just like the first time around. But, in the end, it will all work out. The nursery will be perfect. The name will fit, and with God's help we'll have another healthy surprise.

The Perfect Present

   Many men search and search for the perfect Mother's Day gift. Where do I go? What do I get? What does she really want? Jewelry, flowers, a fancy dinner...they're all great gifts, but not really what I'm looking for this Mother's Day. Although if they did come my way, I wouldn't say no! (Mama didn't raise a fool!)
   Although I'm only about to celebrate my second year of this joyous holiday, I've quickly come to realize being a mom can sometimes be a thankless job. Don't misunderstand me though, the rewards are great. Seeing your child do something or say something for the first time, or just getting a big old hug and smile are heart-warming. But sometimes, you just need a little something extra.
   As mothers, we do so much besides take care of our children. Often times, we're the cooks, the maids, the organizers, the financial planners...etc. And those jobs are just ones that have to do with the house. Many of us work outside the home, which brings on a whole other dimension of responsibilities and headaches. We do all these things with hardly ever getting a "thank-you" or a "good job" or a "hey, can I help you with that?". I've learned all the hats we wear as mothers just seem to come along with having a uterus.
   So this Mother's Day, it would be great to actually hear the appreciation through words, not just gifts. They say actions speak louder than words. But, not when those words are never spoken. Although you may know you are appreciated, it would be nice to hear it once...and really it probably will only happen once! I'm not talking about a sappy litany of appreciation and love sponsored by Hallmark. A simple, "Thanks, you're the best" would really be the perfect present. Guys, if your little ones can't the words out yet, it's your job to be the spokesman. Those words will never rot and smell bad in a vase in a week. They'll never be forgotten at the bottom of the jewelry box or be spent on something foolish. They'll actually be something remembered, something treasured...the perfect present.

I Just Want to Enjoy a Movie!

   I just want to watch a movie. Period. Plain and simple. I wish. Perhaps I should clarify by saying I just want to enjoy a movie. That is actually the task at hand that is turning into mission impossible these days. Because of my nutso schedule, the only nights I can stay up to do this are Friday and Saturday. Wouldn't you know those are the nights my daughter wants to party likes its 1999. Ironically, the movie I have been wanting to watch is "Little Fockers". We'll just leave it at that, you can make your own jokes. The last time my husband and I actually went to the movies we tried to watch it, but it sold out while we were in line. Figures. (That will tell you just how many times we get out to the movies these days)

  So for the past two Friday and Saturday nights, I've dreamed of just sitting on my couch with my husband, enjoying a movie and some snacks. Instead, we've been battling with my daughter to go to sleep. During the week, she's down at a reasonable hour. The trouble is, so am I! We've filled her with food, locked up all the toys, and even laid her on the couch to make her relax. Sounds pretty good, right? Wrong. She climbs up and down the couch, bouncing back and forth between my husband and I non-stop. I've even taken her downstairs and tried some old school tactics like rocking in the chair. When that doesn't work, the hard-core tactics take effect which include putting her in the crib and letting her cry. That last time until I get so frustrated, I called my husband in for back-up. I yell, he tells me to calm down, he takes over. She eventually falls asleep and so do I. By this time it's 11:00 and the last thing I want to do is watch a movie. Forget about enjoying anything.

  My husband asks why we just can't put the movie on while she's up. Really? Have you met our daughter? Have you just not witnessed what has happened over the past two hours? Like I said, I could easily watch a movie. But, I want to enjoy a movie. It seems like I'd have better luck winning the lotto these days. Movie? Lotto? Odds are looking pretty slim for both!                    

 

Front Seat Rider

I really thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. Nope, I did see a woman holding a baby in the front seat of a minivan while approaching the toll booth to go over the George Washington Bridge. There was tons of traffic. People switching lanes everywhere, horns beeping, hand gestures flying. In the middle of all this chaos, that little baby unprotected in the front seat of that minivan.  In fact, everyone in the SUV along with me saw it too and had the same reaction I did. What was she thinking?    When you become a parent, you take on a major responsibility whether you want it or not, and whether you're ready for it or not. You are now responsible for another life. Period. That means it's your job to protect that little person and be there for them in every way that you can. In my opinion, protecting them is not putting them in the front seat of your minvan with no seatbelt and no protection.    We all know kids are supposed to ride in the backseat (or atleast most of us know that). The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends children stay rear facing in the back seat of the car until they're two or until they've met the height or weight requirements of the car seat. Many states also have laws. Interestingly enough, I went to look up the laws in New Jersey, which is where we were when we witnessed this front seat ride that almost made me have a heart attack. Wouldn't you know, New Jersey, like many states, requires kids up to age 8 or 80 pounds ride in the back, unless the car has no rear seat. Trust me there was plenty of rear seats in that minivan.    I would love to know what that woman was thinking. She was no spring chicken, so I would assume she was familiar with the law, or atleast with common sense. Was she the mom? Did she bring the baby in the front because he or she was crying, hungry, lonely, what? Couldn't have she just gone in the back with the baby? Why didn't the driver say something? I don't know. I'll never know. What I do know is that I said a little prayer for that baby. I hope that minivan got to its destination safely so that little baby wasn't the victim of someone's stupidity.

Hey, Your Baby Can Read... Really?

Okay, I'm coming clean. I became so mesmerized with the "Your Baby Can Read" commercial that I actually ordered the reading system that promises to help your child learn to read. But, it wasn't just the commercial that made me run to jot down the number and grab my phone and MasterCard. During my daughter's last well visit, the pediatrician asked how many words were in her vocabulary. My husband and I looked at each other, trying not to laugh. Vocabulary? Um, she was 15 months at the time. She doesn't really have a vocabulary. Then it got me thinking. Is she behind? Is she a slow learner? What's the deal? Maybe I need some help.    We read together constantly and she really seems to enjoy it. So, I thought "Your Baby Can Read" would be the perfect next step to help move things along. In case you're not familiar, the set comes with several DVDs, books, and flashcards all aimed at teaching words and promoting reading. I guess you're supposed to start when the kids are younger, but the guy over the phone said it was o-k if I started now, and gullible me said o-k.    I should have known something was up when I called and they said the $14.95 price advertised was just for the 30 day trial. If I decided to keep it, they were going to charge my credit card three monthly payments of 60-something-dollars. Again, I said o-k. I really believed this was the key to my child becoming the next Einstein. So, the huge box arrives. There were so many DVDs and books, it looked like I robbed the library. I started reading the parents' instructions and off we were with the the first DVD.    Problem one...I couldn't get my daughter to sit still to watch two minutes of the dumb DVD. So, I watched it and thought how does this stuff really work? Hmmm. Next were the flashcards. Attention span...5 minutes. We tried this routine for the next four days. Then, I finally decided I'm wasting my time and hers. She's not buying this, and now I'm not either. (At least she's the smart one!).    When I called the company to get information to return it, the rep asked me if I wanted more time. I said no, my daughter is clearly not interested in it. She won't sit and watch the DVDs. Then the lady said, "Well, are you watching them with her?" Really lady? I bit my tongue and simply said yes, but told her I still wanted to return the stuff.    Days after sending it back, I heard on the news that the FTC is questioning the company's reading promises and has filed a complaint claiming "Your Baby Can Read" uses deceptive advertising. I could have told you that one. My baby may not be able to read yet, but she sure knows a scam when she sees one. Just curious, has anyone had success with this program?

Finding Mom-ME-Time

    Every expectant mother hears it..."just wait until that baby comes, your life is going to change, forget about having any time for yourself." Yes, your life does change. Yes, your free time is severely restricted, but does it mean you have absolutely NO time for yourself and your previous passions in life? It doesn't have to, but a lot of times it ends up that way. You just have to learn how to put the "me" back in mommy.
   First let's clarify.."Me" time is not doing the dishes or tidying up the house. At times, that's what it ends up being. "Me" time is reading a book, catching up on a hobby, meeting up with friends....whatever make you happy.

   I will be the first to admit, when my daughter was first born I longed to get out by myself, but once I was out, I turned into a guilty worry wart. I constantly wondered what she was doing, if she was crying, if she was eating, if she missed me. Truth be told, most times she could care less! Yes she was fed, yes she cried a bit, but many times she didn't even realize I was gone!

  She wasn't taking my mom-ME-time away, I was, along with the help of my crazy runaway train of thoughts and guilt. Taking a trip to the store, or the gym, or even, wait for it...a trip to the spa ( I know craziness) is not going to ruin your child's life or make you the worst mother of the year. It's taken me nearly two years to realize that, but I've finally seen the light. I've also learned that if you have people you can ask to babysit or if your spouse or someone else offers to take care of your child so you can get some "me" time, take them up on it! There's gonna be a day when no one will offer! Don't get me wrong, I do still feel a tinge of guilt when I leave her to do my thing, but once I'm out I'm now able to enjoy myself. I also find when I get back I am refreshed and in turn feel like I can a better mother because I'm not so stressed out and am not acting like such a female dog, if you know what I mean.

  It seems like men have no problem finding "me" time. Maybe I'm wrong, but if they want to go out and do something, they just do it. They don't seem to feel guilty. Maybe we all need to take a page out of their book.

 Now...time to go make that manicure appointment! 

Guilt of a Working Mom

Merriam-Webster defines guilt as a feeling of culpability for offenses. This week I define guilt as a quivering lip and watery eyes of a sick child you leave as you head out the door to work as well as the utterly crappy feeling you have as you sit at your desk. At the first sniffle or cough, I will be the first one to call out sick and take care of my daughter. Unfortunately, the year got off to a rough start for my family health-wise, so I've used the majority of my sick time within just the first three months of the year. That's lead me to ration the remainder of my days and feel like the worst mother of the year in the process. Even though I know she's in Grandma's loving arms while I'm at work, I still feel like I should be the one home with her.    When I was growing up, I can't remember a time when my mom didn't stay home with me when I was sick. But, as we all know times were different thirty plus years ago. Moms have it tough today when it comes to the work-home balance. It's an age-old debate, should moms stay at home or work? Can they do both successfully? Dr. Phil and Oprah have tried to dissect this issue like a high school lab rat, and even they can't find the right answer! I can't speak for the stay-at-home moms, but as a working mom, I can tell you there are days when it just plain old sucks, especially when your kid is sick. Some may say, it''s easy, just stay home. Sometimes you can't and other times you put so much pressure on yourself you feel like you can't. I think the later is worse. Sometimes you worry about what your employer or co-workers will think.  Those without kids may think, oh here she goes again taking another day off. Any parent with a sick kid will tell you, it's not a "day off". A day off is a day at the spa, not cleaning up snot or poop and trying to translate what your crying child needs at every second. But,it comes with the territory.    I think the guilt trip we put ourselves through as mothers is far worse than anything anyone else will do to us. At times, we try to be all things to all people and get wound up with obligations and what we think we should do. We forget to listen to our hearts and do what's best for us. I know you would find me guilty of this one. Sometimes you just have to put down your keys and follow your heart and that runny nose for a day or two. But, sometimes following your heart isn't so easy. What's your take on it all?

Our Most Precious Gift

Children are our most precious gift. Seems like a "duh" statement, but how many times do we forget that? Whether they're an infant, a toddler, or a teen...kids are a challenge and quite bluntly, can be a pain at times. They can cry, they can whine, they can scream at you, but what would you do if they suddenly vanished? It's safe to say you would be lost. Even when my daughter has a one-night sleepover at Grandma or Nonna's house, our house just isn't the same when we wake up the next morning. It feels empty. Something is missing. Funny, before she came along, it would feel normal...it would feel complete. But, now it's simply not. Children have a way of grabbing onto our hearts, making us vulnerable, but at the same time tough as nails because we would do anything to defend them and keep them out of harms' way. But what happens when you can't protect them?    I have to say, I had a totally different topic chosen to blog about this week, but the recent story about a missing girl made me change my mind. As a news producer, I often glaze pass stories because they become just another accident, just another fire. But some stories pull you in, tug on your human side...and this is one of them. The outpouring of emotion from people from all walks of life when it comes to this story is really amazing. I think it's because we all know how innocent children are. Children should be untouchable. They shouldn't have to experience pain or sorrow. But too many times they do and it's heartbreaking. Fortunately, this story had a happy ending. The little girl was found safe. It turns out she ran away and luckily didn't get into any trouble. But often times, we hear stories where that is not the case.    When you hear stories involving kids getting hurt it really makes you hold on to yours a little tighter. It really makes you think. What would you do if you woke up tomorrow morning and your child was suddenly gone and you had no clue where he or she could be?    I freak out when my daughter hides in the bathroom for a minute. I can't imagine her out there in the world by herself or worse with someone who could harm her. That's why you have to treasure every moment you have with your children, even when they drive you nuts. Simply put, you just never know what can happen. So tonight, give your child an extra hug and kiss...why? Just because. That's reason enough.

Moms Have the Real Tiger Blood

First things first...no disrespect to the dads out there...because they also do a lot when it comes to the kids (at least mine does), but I think the moms out there really carry the load. Carrying the "load" really starts before birth. Pregnancy is no easy feat. Each month your belly gets bigger and bigger, your boobs feel like watermelons and everything just swells up. The 9 month countdown begins. Wait, it's really 10 months! I was actually shocked to learn my first go around that the pregnancy lasts 40 weeks! Each month is an adventure with a new blood test and a new craving. But, in the end it is all worth it. There really is no greater experience than holding your baby for the first time. I remember thinking this little person was growing inside me for all this time, and here she is...wild!    But, once the euphoria vanishes, reality sets in, and that's when the real tiger blood starts flowing. From the middle of the night feedings to the non-stop nurturing, there is something that prevents you from collapsing. It's tiger blood.    Besides being a mom, many women are wives, workers, volunteers, you name it. It's a careful balancing act with sometimes no net to catch you. That's scary. I look at myself and many other women and are amazed at the multi-tasking that happens on a day to day basis. My daily routine starts with a 3:30 a.m. wake-up call followed by work, followed by picking up my 1 and 1/2 year old daughter. Then part-two of the day gets underway. That consists of everything from playing to cleaning to errand running and on a good day, a nap. Then it's time for dinner, bath, snack, bed...and that's just for her! Let's not take into account all the things I need to do for me before my targeted bedtime of 9 p.m. (which is often missed). Then it's time to do it all over again. There's only one way to explain it...tiger blood!    I know so many other women with their own intense schedules and wonder how they do it. As women, we find a way to push forward and make it happen, not to say it's not without its share of complaining from time to time! Motherhood transforms you into a person you never thought you could become and gives you the strength to do things you never thought you could do. The Tiger Blood is there and keeps flowing! p.s. Thanks Charlie Sheen for inspiring the title of my first blog! (But I'm still not paying to see your show at the Oakdale)