Costly Christmas with Kids? I Don't Think So!

  "Mommy, I want that...no mommy, I want that...and that...no wait, I have to have this." For the love of Christmas, this season can make you lose your mind...and a lot of money if you let it!  Chances are your kids have made their lists and now you're checking them twice to see what you can afford. Right now, I'm lucky, my kids are two months and two years old. Although my two year old can now form sentences "I want (fill in the blank)", she hasn't picked up on actually wanting toys or seeing them in a commercial and realizing she will die without them. A lot of people tell me this is the last year I can "get away cheap" with her. My two-month old doesn't even know what day it is, so I'm safe there.
  So with no real lists to lead me in the right toy aisle, what do I buy and how much do I spend? Hmmm...there's the Barbie Jeep for $300 that my two year old can only ride for a few months out of the year and will probably grow out of in two summers, although her sister will be able to use it down the road.  There are Barbie dream houses for upwards of $100, but she's too young for those yet. Her and Barbie are still strangers, so scratch these things off the list. Then there's that new annoying rock star Elmo thing for about $60. If that thing enters my home, I may need to find it a new one...in the garbage.
   As far as my two-month old goes, there are a lot of educational toys out there I could buy that promise to have her reciting the encyclopedia by the time she's one. If you've been following my blog, you know I'm never going to buy into that again! I'm not sure what other hot toys are out there, but there's a good chance you won't find them in my house the morning of December 25th.That's not to say my children won't be getting gifts, but I'm not going overboard. I know so many people who bombard their kids with so many gifts that it looks like the Toys R Us toy book threw up in their living room. A.) I think that's ridiculous and B.) I think that's setting them up to expect that flood of gifts all the time, which is really setting them up for disappointment, unless they have some rich uncle or something.
   So, why do we feel like we need to spend so much on our kids? Between diapers, clothes, and little odds and ends, I spend more money on them on a monthly basis than I do on myself even before they came along. So just because it's Christmas, I have to empty my bank account? Why...to show them how much I love them? Did the three Kings max out their Visa cards or cash out their Christmas Club account (do banks even have those anymore?) before visiting baby Jesus? I think you get my point. I just get so frustrated when I hear how much some people spend on their kids for Christmas. I know it's none of my business, but I just don't get it, so if someone could explain it to me, that would be great!
  I can honestly say that I did not spend a lot on my kids this Christmas. And by "a lot" I mean I didn't even spend $100 each. Call me a bad parent, call me cheap, call me whatever you want. But, will my children love me any less Christmas morning? I think you know the answer to that.

My Christmas List

Dear Santa,
   I know times are tough this year and your rent in the North Pole went up along with the cost of living. You might have also lost a bit in that 401K and you also probably had to lay off a few elves, so there are less people to make all those toys. The elves you have are probably working OT or maybe you outsourced, who knows. Whatever the case may be, the things on my list have no assembly required and don't need batteries, so you're in the clear. I know you're busy, but I would appreciate whatever you could through my way. I think I've been a good girl this year, so work your magic before heading to Florida for the winter (I assume you and the misses are snowbirds).
Here goes...
1. One day in peace to clean my house...I know this sounds odd, but I get a strange pleasure from cleaning my house from top to bottom even though I know it will just get dirty again within hours. I haven't bonded with my Clorox wipes in awhile, so throw an OCD chic a bone would ya?
2. Dinner at a restaurant that doesn't have crayons...love those kids to pieces, but it would be nice to eat a meal that someone has actually cooked rather than one that has been copied from a picture from corporate headquarters
3. One night of uninterrupted sleep...need I say more?
4. A pay-per-view movie palooza that includes a day in my jammies and maybe a visit from good old Ben & Jerry..I really just want to watch "Something Borrowed" since I read the book
5. A day when my children could change their own diapers (okay I know this is unrealistic, but a momma can dream!)
   I think that just about covers it Santa. Shoot me a tweet or friend me on Facebook if you have any questions. You shouldn't have trouble finding our house, it's done up Clark Griswold style. My husband likes to keep the electric company in business, what can I say! I'll leave you some home baked cookies, if my children nap, if not you're getting Chips Ahoy because that's what was on sale this week. I will have a nice glass of milk waiting for you too.
Sincerely,
Kristina

Thinking and Thanking

   Thanks. When was the last time you said it or was thankful for something (and I'm not talking about saying thanks when the guy behind the counter gives you your change) ? I'm talking about really being thankful for something. It seems as though we're so busy working, talking, texting, facebooking, tweeting, etc., these days that we really don't take time to just sit back, relax and realize what we really do have. I'm definitely included in this "we".  Last weekend, I went out to breakfast with my husband and kids when a stranger made a comment that really stuck with me. My husband and I were looking at the menu, my little baby was asleep in her little carrier, and my two year old was deciding who she wanted to sit with, when a man passed by and said two little words...beautiful family. We both looked up and said thanks. As I was deciding whether I wanted eggs or french toast, I thought to myself, wow, I really do have a beautiful family. So, why did it take a complete stranger to make me really think about that? At times, you really don't realize how fortunate you are and appreciate what you have, because you're too busy wanting and complaining about what you don't have that you don't see what's staring you in the face, 24/7.
   Sure I'm aware of my husband and kids because often I'm too busy complaining about something they're doing or didn't do. But, do I ever realize how I'm grateful I am to have them? No. I'm too worried about who didn't clean the kitchen, who's not going to bed on time, who's spitting up, how many diapers I've changed in a day, hell, in an hour! I never stop and think about how lucky I am to have them and how some people would just die to have my family. There are so many couples who are struggling to have kids that they wouldn't complain about diapers or getting up in the middle of the night. I guess you could say I just take it all for granted. The same could be said for my husband. Ladies, you know there are so many crackhead losers out there that it's hard to find a good man, and when you do, you kinda just forget how good they are. You never say thanks for the little things, but you sure find the time and the words to complain about them. Funny how that works. It's kinda like that Lenox crystal you get for your wedding. You love it when you get it, but then you put it on a shelf or in a closet and forget you have it.
  So after this post, will I never complain about the things that my kids and husband do that annoy me? Probably not. Okay, definitely not. But, will I try to take a deep breath and a step back and look beyond all that? Honestly, yes. As cliche as it may sound, you do need to take some time to smell the roses and appreciate how beautiful they really are. It's sad that it takes some turkey and stuffing or some random guy at a diner to get you to think about what's really important in life.

Can I Have Your Attention Please?

   Mom...mom...mom...mommy...momeee!!!! How many times have you heard that today? Fifty, maybe one-hundred times? In case you didn't know it's the sound of your child wanting your attention. I've always known kids need and want attention, but I've never realized how much until I had my second child. One cries, then the other. Sometimes if I'm lucky, they'll both do it at the same time. That's what I call the symphony. Let me tell you, it's no Mozart or Beethoven!
   Let's start off with the baby. She cries out for attention, literally, when she needs to be fed, changed, or has some other kind of problem. The good thing is her needs can usually be met rather quickly. I can say pretty confidently that when she needs attention, she gets it, is satisfied and moves on. Once she's full and fed she can just chill for awhile.The same can not be said for my two-year-old. She needs a little more TLC. Before the baby came along, she kind of did her own thing. But now, things are a little more complicated and just plain old exhausting. Instead of crying out to get her needs met, she can actually tell me what she needs for the most part. If she's hungry, she says, "Mom, I want yums." If she needs to go to the bathroom or get changed she says, " Mommy, pee pee." Those needs are easy to meet. It's when she starts whining "Mommy" and grabbing my leg like a dog in heat that things get dicey. Ever since the baby came along, she wants to be held more, played with more, and just simply be around me more. Sometimes that's not so easy. I know it's normal, but sometimes it drives me totally nuts!! I know that comment won't win me mom of the year, but it's the truth and I know a lot of other moms who can relate. Of course I want to hold her, play with her, and talk to her as much as I can, but now there is another little person who also needs me. Sometimes I wish I could just clone myself (and if I could I would also clone a version of myself who only had to worry about house chores...but that's a subject for another blog). Sometimes I feel like there really needs to be two of me to deal with both kids and all that goes along with it. But, I don't think my husband could deal with another me!
   As much as I try to split my attention evenly, it seems inevitable that one child gets more attention than the other on any given day. But, who needs more attention? It's funny, some people I talk to say the baby because it's more important to bond with her as much as possible. Others tell me the two-year-old because she's used to having me around and needs to know I am still here for her. The proverbial "they" say if she's acting out, she must really, really need me, so I should go to her. Talk about confusing! It feels like no matter who I choose, someone is going to be mad.
   I will say it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not in this alone. We've talked to a lot of friends who have little babies and a two or three year old at home, and they are going through the same thing. In fact, some of their situations are even worse! Yes, I will admit it make me feel better to know my child is not the only one who grows devil horns every once and awhile. I guess it's all a part of the growing pains (unfortunately, without Kirk Cameron or Tracy Gold, that's a reference for all you 80's fans!), and let me tell you these growing pains hurt and there are no commercial breaks! What else is in store for me? Guess, I'll just have to stay tuned.

Maternity Leave...What's Fair?

   A woman spends nine months carrying a child. It's safe to say many women don't get that much time to stay home and bond with their baby once he or she is born. I've talked to a lot of women who have had to go back to work after just six weeks home. Six weeks...seriously? That's ridiculous. Let me break it down for you the way I see it. During the first two weeks after birth, your body is so beat up from being pregnant and labor that you can just about function. Add the duties of mothering a newborn and you're just a hot mess looking for your next caffeine hit. So, that leaves four weeks to bond with your baby. The only bonding you're doing is with their diapers and spit up. During the first month babies basically eat, sleep, and poop. It's not until they reach that three month mark that they become more interactive. That's not to say you can't bond with them before then, but all the fun stuff happens later...just in time for you to go back to work. Other women I've talked to are lucky enough to get around 12 weeks off under the Family and Medical Leave Act, but don't get paid for the entire time. That leaves many to deal with the tough choice of losing money or losing time with their child. As many people struggle to earn a buck, many have to choose cash over their child if they want to keep a roof over their heads.
   That is a sad scenario for such a world leader as the United States. I was reading that the U.S. and Australia are the only industrialized countries that don't give moms paid leave nationally. Some states have different rules though. One article I read talked about a woman in Canada who got 14 months of paid maternity leave! That's amazing and something that I think will never happen here in the good old  U-S of A. The article also talked about a couple in Sweden who was splitting 16 months of what they call parental leave at 80% pay. And"Czech" this out....I read that in the Czech Republic all mothers can decide to take 2, 3, or 4 years of maternity leave! The state supports them during that time period. That would never fly in the U.S. There are also other countries that have generous maternity leave policies. Wikipedia actually breaks it down in a nice chart. Here's the link if you want to check it out.
   So, where did the U.S. drop the ball? Do we not value a mother or father's time with their child? Would the children in this country end up better if they had more time with their parents before being shipped off to daycare or some other caregiver? No one truly knows, but here's my two cents. No one is going to love or take care of a child like a parent, unless of course they are abusing them or on drugs or something. No one is going to instill the values you want your child to have better than you. Unfortunately, we live in a country where things like that are not valued (then we wonder why some kids have so many problems and are so screwed up). If we did, more women would have access to paid maternity leave to give them time to bond with their children when they are most vulnerable.
   I know some women who would cringe at the idea of two or three years maternity leave. Some women just itch to get back to work because staying at home just isn't for them. But, they should have that option. Right now so many women don't have the choice to take the time off or leave it and to me that is just not fair.

Finding a Routine

   It seems everyone has a routine. Get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, etc. I kinda had one down pretty good for the past two years or so, but now it's time to find a new one. Here's the question, is there anything routine about your days when you're a mom? After having two children in the house for about two weeks now, I can tell you the answer is no. When you have a job to go to with set hours, I think it's easier to set a schedule because you are forced to. But, when you're home and your job, A.K.A. taking care of your kids, has no start time and no end time, it gets complicated.  Nevertheless, I am still looking for a routine (don't laugh!).
   I can tell you what has been routine so far...changing lots of diapers, doing lots of laundry , serving as the dairy cow, and trying to share my time as equally as possible with two kids while still trying to find time for the hubby and myself. As all the mommas know, this is far from easy. Although it may sound like I'm complaining, I'm really not. I'm just stating the facts. I know what I signed up for. I read the fine print and am on board with the program. I'm just trying to figure out how to make it go as smoothly as possible, if that is possible! For me, the hardest part of having two kids has been splitting my time between everyone. My two-year-old wants to play 24/7. We had lots of play time before her little sister arrived and now I'm trying to preserve some of that. So, when the baby naps, we have our special time. That is not always enough for her. Of course she wants attention when I'm feeding her sister or holding her. But, I can only serve one customer at a time. So, she is reluctantly learning the importance of patience.
  Then there's my newborn. Right now, her needs are pretty simple. She needs to be fed, changed, bathed, and most importantly loved. She sleeps a lot, which is a great help, and is pretty much content in her swing or bouncy chair. While her needs are simple, they are time consuming as well. If you've ever breastfed, you know it takes time and each feeding is different. Throw in some quality time with the pump and it can be a full time job.
   After the kids, comes time for the hubby and time for me. But, how does that fit into the big routine? With everything else going on, these two things seem to be a luxury. With the kids wanting all your attention, it becomes a challenge to find time to carve out for yourself and your spouse. For us, it means catching up on a favorite show in the DVR and chit chatting here and there. For a little "me time", I've snuck in some favorite magazines and phone calls with friends. The time may is not as much as before, but at least it's something.
With all of these pieces of the pie, how do you fit them all in on a daily basis to form some kind of routine? If someone has the answer, please let me know! For now, having no routine is my routine.

A Place I Never Thought I'd Be

   When you think about giving birth to your child, the painful labor always comes to mind. But you know it will definitely be worth it when they place that baby in your arms and you get to take him or her home and start your life with the new addition to your family. What you don't envision is not getting to hold him or her, and not being able to take him or her home when you leave the hospital. You don't think you'll see your baby in the NICU with tubes and machines hooked up to her 24/7 and doctors and nurses whispering about their next course of treatment. You don't think you'll be sitting by a plastic incubator for hours at a time wondering if and when you'll get to hold your baby or if she even knows you are sitting right there and that you are her mommy. You don't think these things will happen, but they do to so many parents, including myself.
   My baby girl spent the first 10 days of her life in the NICU after developing some respiratory issues after birth. Unlike many parents with children in the NICU, I got to hold my daughter after she was born. I had no idea there was any problem and apparently neither did anyone else. She looked perfect. It wasn't until she went to get her vitals checked that they realized there was a problem. At first it seemed as though she would be back with us in a few hours, but that quickly changed when the doctors said she needed to go downstairs and spend some time in the NICU. A few hours turned into one night, which quickly turned into days. My heart was broken. This was not the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be with us. There were supposed to be smiling visitors and balloons. There were supposed to be pictures. But there was none of that. Instead, the days were filled with tears, constant worrying, praying, and lots of waiting.
   I spent most of my time in the NICU, sitting by her little incubator. I could touch her, but holding her was out of the question because she was hooked up to so many things. Every time I went to see her or talk to the doctors, I just cried and cried. They reassured me that she was going to be ok. But, that was little comfort. I kept asking why it happened because I blamed myself. I am her mother. She grew inside me for nine months. I must have done something to cause this and now the worst part was I couldn't fix it. I couldn't protect her, which is every parent's instinct. All I could do was put all my trust and hope in doctors and modern medicine. The doctors just kept telling me it was no one's fault and these things just happen. That answer wasn't enough to get rid of the responsibility I felt. I replayed every part of my pregnancy over and over in my head, trying to come up with a reason that this could have happened. As I would ask the doctors about different scenarios, they would just tell me there was no one way to tell and once again that these things just happen. Tell that to the countless parents I saw with babies in the NICU. Each baby had his or her own story, but to me the mothers' stories were all the same. We all exchanged sympathetic eyes. Some of us talked to each other about our situations, but in the end it was all the same. We all just wanted our babies home and healthy.
   That was one of the worst parts of this whole experience... going home without my baby. I remember going home after my first daughter was born and feeling so happy and excited. Not quite this time around. I felt empty. Something, rather someone was missing. My baby had to stay in the hospital to get better. Period. I had to accept it, whether I wanted to or not. I could come and visit her anytime I wanted. Parents shouldn't have to "visit" their newborns. But, this was the reality for the next eight days. My husband and I took turns, spending hours at the hospital, just sitting by her side. When you have time to just sit and think, your thoughts can be your worst enemy. Your mind goes on a crash course of places you don't want it to, playing all the "what if" scenarios. Your mind doesn't allow you to go to the places where something good happens.
   But, good things did start to happen for us. She did start to improve and slowly she was removed from different machines. Eventually, I did get to hold her. Of course, I cried. It was the first time in days that I was able to hold my baby.It was the first time in days I felt like things were going to get better and she would get to come home. And she did. I cried as we walked out of the NICU, but this time they were happy tears. We carried our baby past all the others who were not fortunate enough to come home yet. I said a little prayer, hoping one day soon they could get to go home too.
   When I think about bad experiences, I have to say, this is definitely at the top of the list. But my mom always told me that God doesn't give you something you can't handle. She was right. Somehow I handled this, but it wasn't without a lot of love and support from family and friends. I also learned that you really have to count your blessings because life is truly unpredictable and many times you end up in places you never thought you'd be.